Waiting and Hoping 3

Today was not good. She was nauseated and did not eat. Her mental faculties are still there but ... her body is so thin and she only weighs 72 lbs. as of a week ago. It may be less now. She once was down to 58 lbs. several months ago, so it has been worse. Unless something turns around immediately this may be it.

As I sat and talked to her and stroked her hair as she slept memories came back. Here was the lady who was so strong and in control. Taking charge was what she did. My pastor, Jeff, came to see her the other day and he commented that it was him who felt blessed by the visit.

The doctors said that they could do no more. Maybe it is time to start over.

Bush's Poll Numbers .... this article says it all.

No it's not Iraq or Afghanistan, both operations have been amazingly successful. (Regardless of what the MSM says the violent death rate is much greater in several US cities than either of those "war zones"). With an economy that is so great we can absorb millions of illegals and still have an unemployment rate at 4 point something and eveyone benefitting, what's the problem? If someone were to ask me if I was happy with the president, I, a strong supporter, would balk. It's the border. http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2006/05/base_doesnt_trust_bush_on_ille.html

Waiting and Hoping 2

It was another good day. She seemed even more alert and cognizant. She looked good, her color was coming back, and whenever I mentioned it she asked if I was being honest. Dale, my brother, was there and they were having a conversation when I arrived. Since she has been in Hospice I have not heard one word of complaint.

The weekend chaplain came in and introduced himself, Tom. Nice guy, and Mom liked him. He seemed intent on getting her to talk about what the future might be. She said again that she was ready for whatever the Lord had ahead. On days like this it is easy to see her recovering.

Waiting and Hoping

I’m sitting at the foot of my mom’s bed in a hospice in Phoenix. The view through the picture window is of a lovely patio with Mexican tiles and a gated round pool surrounded by a variety of plants and trees. Only in Phoenix can you see a pine tree growing next to a mesquite.

She hopes that being free of the tubes and wires of the ICU will allow her to recover. We all hope so.

I had a dream a few nights ago, before the ICU and before the meetings with doctors and the case manager. I walked into the room and it looked as though she had died so I shook her and tried to wake her up. Her eyes opened and she said, “You know I’m going to die, don’t you?” End of dream. It woke me up and I told Vicki, but she made no comment.

My mom, Helen, has lived on borrowed time since uterine cancer in the 70’s. I couldn’t even tell you the number of times she has visited the hospital. Our hope has been to fix up a place for her so that the last few years of her life would be comfortable, active, and worry-free. We may only succeed for the last few days.

Right now she is relaxing on her air bed, alternately dozing off and talking to me. Sometimes what is said makes sense, sometimes not. “It’s really beautiful here,” and then, “I hope the girls are getting a nap.” “What girls?” I ask, followed by silence. It may be the morphine, at least she isn’t in pain and she is right about it being beautiful here.

Watching the sun come up and sipping hot coffee.

Early morning is the best. It's 4:30, the eastern sky is just beginning to trend from navy to light blue, and the coffee is brewing. There are no sounds except for Lucy, Brad's dog, changing positions, and the hiss of the coffee pot. The palo verde tree's branches are outlined by a darker shade of blue and there is no wind. No sounds of traffic, no barking dogs, no TV, no talking. Early morning is the best.

What's it like to sleep all night?

Here it is 2:00 in the morning and I'm wide awake thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done. I'm not going to list anything, that would be just too depressing. It's at moments like this that the movie, Shawshank Redemtion, becomes a real inspiration.

I had dinner with some friends the other night one of which was retired. As the rest of us went on about work Virginia just glazed over and a Mona Lisa smile came over her face. When I pointed it out she said, "Yes, I really don't miss any of that stuff at all. Have you noticed how many times I have stopped by work to see you?" The answer is that I can't remember her ever stopping by. Hmmm.

I quizzed her about what a day was like now. She said that she wakes up when she wants, often not even knowing what day it is, has brunch with a few friends, get things done at a relaxed pace, and doesn't care if it doesn't get done at all. God, could I handle that! Six Saturdays and a Sunday.

A few years ago Virginia and I used to have a morning greeting, not, "How's it going?" or anything like that but in the tradition of the ancient Christian, "He is risen." followed by the reply, "He is risen indeed." It was a race to be the first to say, "Where would you rather be?" followed by the reply, "And what would you rather be doing?" At first she couldn't even imagine it because of being "institutionalized" but when her father died and left her and her family his cabin in Greer I could predict her reply. Well she has escaped Shawshank and I'm still chipping through the walls.

Night Rider

Last night Vicki and I went with some friends for a motorcycle ride out to Carefree, Bartlett Lake and Scottsdale. The weather was perfect and there was a quarter moon so when we got out of town it was fairly light.

I have to say that I don't particularly feel comfortable riding two-up on curvy dark roads with blind turns and occasional gravel. We kept the speed down to between 40 and 50 mph but it was still a little unsettling when a car would appear right in the middle of a curve with blinding headlights and no clue what was ahead.

The new Chatterbox communication system I purchased worked very well. Vicki even called our granddaughter on the cell phone which can be played through the intercom. It took a little bit of adjusting to get the VOX to work right, it changes depending on the speed and wind noise but is convenient because the sensitivity knob is mounted on the left side of my helmet. Some reviews I have seen were critical of how well it worked at highway speed but even in excess of 80 mph it worked great. (We both wear helmets that block the wind, Vicki's a 3/4 with a visor and mine a flip -up which I keep closed at over 60 mph. The Nomad has a windshield that cuts down on a lot of noise at higher speeds.) The Chatterbox also has a jack to connect a sound system of darn near any kind. So while we weren't talking to each other, another bike, or answering a phone call we could listen to music on the Creative Zen or Ipod. Communication overrides the music. One of the people we were riding with said my helmet looked like a storm trooper's. Pretty cool, I guess.

Favorite Toys

Have you ever owned something that you dream about even years after it's gone? I owned a black 1954 MGTF sportscar while in highschool. It had a red interior and chrome wire wheels with knock-offs. It was neccessary to sell it for moving expenses after joining the Air Force way back in 1973 and sometimes I wake up thinking that it is still parked over in my parent's garage just waiting for me to fire it up.